uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
