Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize