The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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