my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
