I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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