I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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