fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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