i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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