I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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