You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
