I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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