happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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