Tell her she can't have a vagina
hell yes lets make some ravioli
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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