after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm at about main and main street
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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