i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
