i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
