shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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