beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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