She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
