I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
