goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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