Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
