isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
