i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
