M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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