Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
