FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize