Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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