Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
