I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
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Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize