Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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