i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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