i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
