and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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