he wants to bone in the snuggie
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
