she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
