Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
