so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had to cum in my sink.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
