people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
