OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
