note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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