she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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