dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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