Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
