I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
