Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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