Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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