u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We have started to decorate penises.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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