If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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