I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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