you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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