I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
