I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
