We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I stole a fireplace last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
