My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
