Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
