just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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