Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed