i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.