Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.