whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....