I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT