Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize