So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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