DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
