I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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