It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
