Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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