I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
